Mixed identity

I was born in Pakistan and moved to England when I was 8/9. If you didn’t know that well now you know. Which created some issues in my young brain about who I was. Because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to fit in anywhere. It created a kind of confusion that always made me question who I was?

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I didn’t fit in Pakistan, well because I had left and that changed me as a person. The way I thought and the way I dealt with situations changed. The distance meant that the friendships disappeared. So clearly I wasn’t the perfect fit for there. I knew I could always go back but I had missed out on a lot of things, as I lived my life in the UK.

But there was something about me that wasn’t truly British which meant that I felt like the odd one out in many situations. I wanted to be a part of this world but I was the wrong piece for the puzzle I wanted to complete.

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But I wanted to belong somewhere. I wanted to understand why I felt odd everywhere. What was home for me now? All these questions constantly bothered me? There was a point where I tried to just fit into a  one side completely so I wouldn’t feel left out. I was trying so hard but it didn’t work. Something or someone would always make me realise I wasn’t right.

And one day I looked at myself in the mirror and I asked myself the question who am I?The answer was simple. I’m Nabeeda and I’m a British and I am Pakistani. I’m 50/50.

And honestly I don’t need to fit in.

I just needed to be true to myself and who I was. And once I realised that, life was smoother. I wasn’t trying to learn stupid things to try and fit in, I was being me. Once I did that, the people I had around me were the type of people I had been looking for. Suddenly, I didn’t feel stupid or the odd one out. I felt like I had found exactly where my jigsaw piece would fit.

As I get ready for my trip to Pakistan, I know that I fit in there perfectly and I am so excited for the journey.

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You see the problem is this world around us wants us all to fit into a mould. Makes it easier to fit people in.

But as cheesy as it sounds, we’re not made to fit into moulds. We’re meant to break from them and create our own life 😊 Don’t lose parts of your identity to satisfy others… it’s not a good look trust me.

Spend your time finding yourself and working on yourself. The right people will come and they will stay. And honestly, you will never feel like the odd one out again.

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2 thoughts on “Mixed identity

  1. So so very true l am proud of you! Today after reading this blog l am relieved. As being mum l feel your confusion but helpless as it’s all because of me we have to left our people and our country. Thank you my love stay blessed and keep it up 😍

    Liked by 1 person

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