I stood in front of the mirror admiring my dress and jewellery.
Everything looked so perfect. My make up was just right and my hair looked so glamorous. But behind all this facade was a broken heart.
Today, I will be dancing at my best friend’s wedding. But not just my best friend, but the guy I fell in love with when I was just 10. He was my first friend. He had taught me so much like how to ride a bike, playing a guitar, cooking Chinese food. But, most importantly he had taught me how to love.
Today, was the day that I had to dance away and be happy as I watched him say ‘I do’ to the woman of his dreams. The woman I wish I could replace. I wish and I wish with all my heart but only if wishes came true.
Kabir was my neighbour’s son. We always played together, ALWAYS. I remembered how jealous he would get when I would play with other kids and that would make me feel special. We went to school, college and University together. I remember when he went away for his first work assignment, it had hit me that he wasn’t just a friend but I was actually in love with him. When I realised, I danced around the house for days and sang and jumped with joy. I wanted to tell him straight away but I knew this was something you tell people face to face.
I waited for the full year he was away. We would talk every other day and send pictures and parcels and letters. There were many times when I nearly told him but I waited for the day he would return. I remember on the day of his flight I had decorated his house and mine. His mum knew something was up but I wanted to tell Kabir how I felt before anyone else.
As I waited in his house for him to come. There was a knock on the door. I screamed with excitement and ran to the door. I opened the door and what I saw, I don’t think I will ever forget. There he stood holding another woman, grinning from ear to ear. Before I could even say a word he said “Hey Sara, this is my girlfriend, Anima. I wanted to tell you about her before but thought its something I should tell you face to face. I wanted to see your reaction.”
I think I had stopped listening as soon as he had said the word ‘girlfriend’. I could see his lips moving but I couldn’t hear anything, anymore. It was like my world had stopped moving.
Here I am today, a year on from that day. Getting ready to perform at his wedding. I know this is going to be the most painful day of my life but maybe it will give me the closure I need.
But as I walk downstairs and see him in his perfectly fitted suit. My heart skips a beat and the tears I had been holding back, escape my eyes. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I realise today is the day I need to be selfish. If I stay then I will never be able to get over the pain.
I write him a note and wish him all the happiness in his marriage. And I grab my keys and start driving. I don’t know where I am going but that is not important. I just need to go somewhere far away, where I will not be surrounded by his memories and his thoughts. The CD player plays ‘when we were young’ and I drive towards my unknown destination, hoping and praying for the best…
Moral: You see since we are little, we are told to be selfless. Always care about others and their feelings and that is a good trait to have. But sometimes being selfless isn’t the best option. Sometimes in life we have to be selfish. And, that is okay! It is important to look out for ourselves sometimes otherwise we will never be able to give back.